God is Love
God is love.
If we want to know love, we need to know God. If we want to love others, we need to emulate how God loves us.
Love Demonstrated
6 For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.
7 For one will hardly die for a righteous man; though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die.
8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
God showed us His love by Jesus dying on the cross for us. He didn’t have to do that; His love for us drove Him to the cross.
In verse 7, Paul says that some people might die for someone else who is nice and a really good person. If there were someone who always would make fun of you, steal your things, and say horrible things about you and to you, would you die for them? That’s what we have all done when we were living for ourselves, saying and doing things that we never should have done.
God didn’t just say He loved us; He showed us.
Love Demonstrated
17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love,
18 may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth,
19 and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.
God doesn’t just want to show us His love; He wants us to experience it. Paul is saying here that he wants us to be so grounded in God’s love that we would be able to understand, to comprehend just how huge God’s love is, even though it is more than anyone can understand. Imagine a love that is so great that no one can even understand it, much less live it.
Natural Love
I will love you, if you love me.
I will love you, as long as I find you attractive.
I will love you, as long as you are rich.
I will love you, if you are nice to me.
Notice how most natural, human love has conditions. We are willing to love someone if they will do certain things or be a certain way. If they aren’t exactly what we want, we might remove our love. As we just saw, though, that’s not God’s way.
Husbands
19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them.
Why would a husband be bitter against his wife? It could be that he felt disrespected or unloved. Maybe his wife said or did something because she felt disrespected or unloved.
Many times, couples have marital problems because they misinterpreted what the other person felt or meant to say. It’s impossible to know everything that someone thinks or feels.
We are all influenced by our own experiences, from childhood to the present. How we choose to react or act based on those experiences also has a great influence on us. No one else could possibly know what you are feeling inside – maybe not even you! Of course, God knows.
Intentions
So, thinking about this logically, does it make sense for us to be upset with someone else if we don’t understand what they are going through? I’m not talking about blatant things here. There is never an excuse for hitting or abusing someone else. There’s also no excuse for being unfaithful.
In most cases, though, big problems start with small misunderstandings or disagreements that lead to bigger things. How can we avoid most of these issues?
Submit Ourselves
18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit,
19 speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord;
20 always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father;
21 and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.
Notice this instruction. It’s not just for husbands and wives; it’s for all of us. First, we need to lay off alcohol and other drugs, instead filling ourselves with the Holy Spirit. Singing, worshiping, and giving thanks to God helps us put things into perspective.
In verse 21, he combines worshiping God with submitting ourselves to each other. We need to subject ourselves “to one another in the fear of Christ.”
What does that look like?
Submit Ourselves
I might think that someone else hurt me in some way; maybe they actually did. Maybe, they even wanted to hurt me. If I choose to love them and submit my own feelings to this relationship, I might be able to avoid things escalating into a major issue.
We submit our own feelings by giving the other person the benefit of the doubt, even if we think they “don’t deserve it.” We also realize that we could be wrong. It’s even possible that the other person is reacting to something that we did, and we might not even realize we hurt them.
This is why God tells us to love others. Notice He doesn’t say to love others if they do certain things or act a certain way. This isn’t the typical “human” kind of love that we saw earlier. Whether someone else is “lovable” or “unlovable”, we need to love them.
Let’s go back to where we started in 1 John, “God is love.”
Love One Another
7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.
8 The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love.
John is telling us to love one another, not to love one another if…
He also points out how we can’t fully and truly love others until we know God by living for Him and being born again. If we don’t love, we don’t know God (verse 8).
Then John gets even more direct.
Love One Another
20 If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen.
21 And this commandment we have from Him, that the one who loves God should love his brother also.
I have heard people say, “I love God, but I just can’t love that person.” We see here that that’s not scriptural. John even says that person is a liar.
Jesus said that the second greatest command was to love our neighbor as ourselves. (Mt.22:39)
Love In Action
Love others.
Put your desires behind loving others.
Actively submit yourself in every relationship.
Most problems occur because of misunderstandings.
We need to always try to give others the benefit of the doubt, because we probably don’t understand everything that is going on.
Let’s bring this one step further.
God’s Plans
11 For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.
Bottom line: love others, love God, give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Don’t allow yourself to get angry and bitter.
Choose love – God’s love.
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